You are always on my mind

My dad was diagnosed with small cell lung carcinoma in 2003. There is a zero survival rate for this type of cancer. We were told he would probably live a year. He survived less than that. He passed away on February 29, 2004, a day that would only come around every four years. He passed away eight years ago, but this is only the second anniversary of his passing.

I have been working all week on a post of dad memories all week. I have quite the list going. But instead at the last minute I decided to change the focus.
Evan, Luke and I went to the gravesite yesterday. Evan has been really into labeling family members. He knows Pop is John's dad. Gran is my mom. Grandmom is John's mom. I have been waiting for the question, "But what is your dad's name?" It never came. Here was our conversation instead:
Me: Who is your daddy?
Evan: John
Me: Yes! Who is John's Daddy?
Evan: Pop.
Me: Very good. Do you know who my dad is?
Evan: ummmm, no.
I proceed to tell him my dad has died, and when someone who loves Jesus dies, they get to go to heaven. So my dad is in heaven. I told him we were going to go to a special place where we can remember my dad.
Evan: Is your daddy in the sky mommy?
Me: Well, yes, heaven is in the sky, so I guess he is in the sky right now.
Evan: We are going to heaven??
Me: No, we are going to a cemetery.
Evan: Is God there?
Me: Well....um....hey, you want some chips.
That one was way to deep for me at that moment. A few minutes later....
Evan: Do we get to go see your dad now, Mommy?
Me: We aren't going to see him because he isn't there. He is in heaven right now with Jesus. We are going to a special place where we can remember him. There will be marker with his name on it.
Evan: But he's not there because he is in heaven.
Me: That's right, sweetheart.

We get there, and we walked to find the gravesite. Luke was much more interested in running down the big hill. Evan and I talked a little bit more about my dad and what his name was and why he wasn't there. Death, cemeteries, heaven, all very abstract things for a 3 year old.

Once we were ready to leave, Evan asked to walk around the look at the other markers. He started off toward a big tree. Pointing up at the tree he said, "Look mommy! Heaven is up there!" In that moment I completely believed he saw heaven in that tree or sky.

I have to think what Jesus tells us about faith. He wants us to come to Him with a child-like innocence. Blinded by the realities of the world. Un-jaded by what society thinks about what we say. Proud of what we know and what we believe. Willing to tell anyone and everyone what we know. If you have children, or work with children, or have ever had a conversation with a child, you know they are very proud of their knowledge. They are happy to share their opinions on most anything (even to a mother's horror). What if we approached sharing our faith, our story, our journey like that?

As usual, as I set out to teach my kids something new, they taught me. They will never know my dad. But they see his story lived out through me. They will never hear him laugh (gosh he had a good laugh). But they will laugh just like him when their mommy tells the same goofy jokes. They will never see his blue eye twinkle when he was up to no good. But Luke has been blessed with the those same baby blues. He's present. He's here. He's always on my mind.

You're My Obsession

I was on a mommy forum that I frequent daily and one of the ladies asked what our "obsessions" were. Since kids and family dominate a lot of my time, I started thinking about what specific things in parenting I obsess over.

1. Growing up in church - I love my church. I love my church family. I grew up in church my entire life. I met some of my closest friends in high school in church. I fell away from a church group in college, but did have a lot of friends of like minded faith. It is important to me that the boys see us loving the Lord, enjoying church, and maintaining friendships with our church family. I ultimately know their salvation is their choice, but want to provide a foundation in an amazing supportive church family.

2. Teaching them respect and tolerance - This is one of my biggies that I will never stop correcting. I don't require "yes ma'am/no ma'am" but I do require questions instead of demands. And those questions better end with please and the next sentence should start with thank you. The tolerance and respect doesn't stop at people. I want them to respect their things (that means no throwing your toys, Evan!) and their space. I want them to be even more respectful of other people's feelings, things and spaces.
Teaching a 3 year old to be respectful of someone who just did something he didn't like is harder, especially when I can't catch it happening. I hope that he "uses words" when he is upset with someone, but I might be dreaming.

3. Screen time - We don't watch a lot of TV in our house. John and I aren't big TV watchers so it kind of came naturally not to have the TV on while the kids are playing. In my job, I have to juggle the early childhood theory about screen time and my role as an early childhood technology specialist. There are many articles that both sides use in their argument. I think a healthy balance between the two is great. That being said, I try very hard to limit Evan and Luke's screen time. Both boys watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse while they eat breakfast every morning. Evan gets a 30 minute show while we cook in the evening. Evan usually watches a movie once a week. It is a special night when we can all gather around the TV and share dinner!

4. Eating dinner at the table...together - This was a big one in my family growing up. We ate every dinner together sitting around the kitchen table. Mom cooked every weeknight, and most weekends if we were home. It was something that even if I whined about it, I am soooo appreciative we did it. Thankfully we started this from the very beginning with our boys. We all eat dinner at the table together and talk about our day. Now what they eat...yeah, I am definitely NOT obsessive about that. :)

These are my top four for now. I am (as evident with my experience of parenting so far) my top obsessions will change multiple times in their life. Ultimately, I want a happy healthy family. Whatever I need to do to get that, I'll obsess over. :)

Luke laughing at a very silly mommy!

Evan's stunna shades. (don't worry, he's getting a haircut on Friday)

I heart you

I love Valentine's Day. Before kids (I find myself saying that waaaay too much), I used to mail cards to all my friends and family. This year because we have so much going on in life right now, I was lucky to throw a card at John as I was pulling out the driveway.
Even though I felt like I dropped the ball with my other loved ones, I made sure Evan had a 'lovely' day. We made special Valentine's cards for his friends at school. I completely stole this idea from Pinterest, so please give me NONE of the credit. He was very cooperative while I was photographing him. The photo shoot was very spontaneous. I happened to get him out of the car one afternoon and felt the lighting was right, so I snapped away. I then added the words and cut a tiny hole for the sucker. I think they turned out so cute!

A big part of the PK curriculum is name writing. I waited until the 11th hour to have Evan sign his name to his cards. I was super impressed it didn't take a lot of bribing to get him to sit down and sign 16 valentines.   

 I am one of the room moms for Evan's class (thank heavens there are two of us). I am so lucky to work at my child's school, which means I get to attend every party. One of the other room moms came up with the party favor for the kids. I also saw this idea on Pinterest....does anyone see a pattern here?? We bought red plastic shovels, heart baggies, Valentine's candy, tulle, and labels. Candy in bags, bags tied to shovels, shovels labeled "I dig you!". Too cute and too easy!

His party was a fun. The kids decorated cupcake and then turned their entire face pink from the dyed icing. As much as I love cupcakes, I hate feeding kids cupcakes! Talk about a royal mess! I just hope no one's clothes were stained from the dye. He received lots of great valentines from his friends in his cute Valentine's bag.

John and I like to give each other the gift of time Valentine's Day. We have spent every Valentine's Day together since 1997, and we realize that time  is our best gift to each other. Being as sweet as he is, John usually buys me something little, like a movie I have been wanting to see or flowers. This year he bought be Breaking Dawn, but the real present was he would watch it with me after our 'in-house' date night the next weekend. 

Valentine's night I made tuna cakes, one of our favorite dinners. I decided to get a little creative and make them hearts. They turned out cute and very yummy!

And just because he is cute and completely oblivious about holidays....here's Luke. :) This is his 'go to' comfort move; thumb sucking and rubbing his belly. 

Hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day! Keep spreading the love throughout the entire year!

What makes a house a home?

My mom is the youngest of 5 children. My father was youngest of five children. I have 20 aunts and uncles (because they all married...and some married multiple times...). My mom's oldest sister, CloElla, was almost 20 years older than her and had a baby a year after my mom was born. My mom grew up with her niece being like a sister and her sister being like her mother. So this means, my first cousin (who was 38 years older than me) was like an aunt and my aunt was like my grandmother since my mom's mom died when I was 3, and I don't have a lot of memories of her. 

I do have a lot of memories of my Aunt CloElla. First, I loved her name. Her mother named her after her two best friends, Clo and Ella. While I have always wanted boys, I have had a girl name picked out since college. She would have been Ella after my aunt. I loved her house. She had this front bedroom with two twin beds and all the kid toys. The only doors were slotted doors (like they have in dressing rooms) that didn't close with a door handle. They closed with the little tab thing at the top. It had a big closet with all the toys, and it kind of felt like its own play area. 

She also had a hallway of pictures. I remember standing and staring at all the pictures each time I went over. As you can imagine our family was big and spread out over the country. CloElla was always so patient telling me everyone's name and exactly how they were related to me. 

Her kitchen was wallpapered with tiny little cherries. She had a white a red kitchen table that looked like it came straight from a 50's diner. She had a back sun porch that she used as her pantry and washing room. I remember she would always have some sweet treats stored in there for us when we came. On her guest bed was a quilt that her sister, Betty, cross stitched for her. My mom has an identical one. 

I also remember divinity. Oh the divinity. At Christmas, CloElla used to make divinity. From what I understand divinity is hard to make. I even remember my mother refusing to make divinity because it would never come out like CloElla's. She was a great cook and a great baker. 

I traveled to southeast MO with my sister for her funeral yesterday. It was a quick 12 hour trip. Missy took a red eye from CA and arrived at 8am. We were in MO by 10:30 for the 11-2 visitation and 2pm service. At the visitation, I was able to catch up with family members I haven't seen in 8 years. I was able to hear stories from the people who came to visit CloElla on a weekly basis. One guy brought her dinner every Saturday night. Ibby brought her the gossip of Malden each week while she was out walking because according it Ibby, "Honey, I know everything that is going on in this town." Her mailbox is attached to her house, so her mail carrier knew her well. He stopped by the funeral home, mid route to pay his respects to CloElla.

After the service, her church, which she lived literally next door to, provided us with an enormous lunch reception. This was one of the ministries in which my aunt's participated. She would send pies and other dishes to funeral receptions. In her healthier years she would help serve. The women of the Methodist church in MO were very sweet to provide my family with lunch.

After the reception I was eager to walk through Aunt CloElla's house one last time. I got to see the clock with the roses on it. The wall of beautiful colored glass that I was just sure would come crashing down, her porch and steps, Sparky's recliner, the pull down ceiling light fixture, memories of the small, white, fluffy, spitz dogs. A ton of memories came back while I was walking through it. But then I realized while the house was quaint and nice, it was always the place I could find Aunt CloElla. It was guaranteed CloElla in her house waiting for us. While I loved her house, I loved having her in the house most of all.

 CloElla Sparks

March 12, 1919 - February 8, 2012

A Qualified Delay

Luke is our little introvert. Evan is our extrovert. Luke loves to watch his surroundings for a long time before playing. Evan wants to jump into the action immediately. Luke is strong but silent. Evan is strong, but anything but silent. I am really happy I have both ends of the spectrum.

For example, take how they approach a new toy so differently:

Luke carefully inspects his new toy.

Evan falls to the floor to immediately put it to good use. Time is a wasting people!

Luke watches how big brother plays with the toy while testing some of the buttons.

Yes, I know it is blurry. I am hoping to convey the amount of movement this boy does!

One still moving; one still sitting.

Luke finally gets in on the playing action...kinda...

I know it is early to assign a personality to my kids. I was so shy in Kindergarten that I remember hiding behind a curtain when I was introduced to my new neighbors. I was also very quiet. So, yes, I know that things can change. But right now, this is what my sweet little guys are like.

I didn't put much thought into Luke not having a lot of words at a one year. I have read and heard a lot about second children not speaking as soon or as much. I just assumed his vocabulary was building in his head, and he would talk when he had something to say. At his 15 month appointment, he still didn't have any words. Since I knew this was 'not normal' I talked to my pediatrician about it. I love my ped. He is amazing. He teaches a very practical style of parenting. He told us to contact TEIS just to get the process started. I sat on it for about a week before I made the call. When I finally called them, the process went really fast.

After the initial screening, which was me answering a lot of questions, Luke was evaluated, and it was determined he has a 40% delay in expressive communication. Receptive communication, fine motor, gross motor and social skills were right on track. Expressive communication includes things like waving hi and bye, talking (obviously), imitating facial expressions and more. TEIS is a great program. It is free through the state of Tennessee for any child with a 40% delay in one area or a 20% delays in two areas. Once the delay is established free therapy is proved by the state. They will come to Luke's school on his schedule and complete age appropriate play activities to help build his expressive communication.

Strange things are happening though. I am usually a very anxious worrier. I like to have things planned and scheduled and this isn't in my plans. But, I have such a peace about this. I have no anxiety. No worry. I am not nervous he isn't speaking. I am not worried he is now labeled "delayed". I have a new attitude about things. I have tried to amp up the quality and quantity of my prayer life. Ashamed, I admit I was slacking in this department toward the end of last year. I would pray when bad things happened to my friends, or major life changes were approaching, or catastrophic events in the world were taking place. I became lazy in prayers of thanks for my blessings. I became complacent in praying for my husband and our marriage, our kids, or general every day things. I turned a corner when I realized how much praying brings me closer to God and allows me to a better disciple. I quickly found I was right. I have had a couple big life altering things come up in the past 5 weeks all which I have lifted up in prayer. I have such a peace about most of the things that are happening. Luke's delay is one of them. I am not worried about him. I am not worried about his speech. I am not worried about his delay. I just have that gut feeling it really is all going to be okay.

I meet with our social worker next week to set some goals for Luke and talk about therapy times. I am excited that the process didn't take three months as planned. I am anxious to see what kinds of play based activities they are going to do. But I am really looking forward to hearing all the things Luke has to say. :)

Have you ever had experience with Early Intervention or communication delay? If so, do you mind sharing your story?

I am part of the 50%

John and I split any child rearing responsibilities completely in half. I am extremely lucky to have a soul mate who sees being a parent as a two person job. This includes changing diapers, fixing lunches, bathing kiddos and getting them dressed, the fun stuff. I honestly don't think he would have it any other way. We go about most of our marriage like this. I can only think of one thing we don't split, which is bill paying. I suck at it which is evident by the number of checks I bounced in college. So John takes that completely by himself. Our bank appreciates that sacrifice on his part.

Part of our morning routine is that John gets the boys dressed and breakfast on the table. I have learned two things over the past year of him doing this. One, he either secretly likes picking out their clothes, or two, a little part of him wishes we had twins. :)
Every day the boys look adorable. I love their little "looks" and am happy we both want them styled the same way. Most days there is a theme; rugby day, cargo khaki day, sweater day, or blue long sleeved shirt day. John even got in on the fun of clothing that day!

John and I try our hardest to abide by an "unplugged" rule, another part of parenting we agree on. We try not to open computers, turn on iPads or check email on our phones from 5-8. Being working parents, this is the only uninterrupted time we get with our kids, and we want it focused on being a family. After our family dinner at the kitchen table, we usually all retire upstairs for family fun. There are several activities that usually take place, but once a night we wrestle. I have two little boys, what did I expect?

Lately we have been having pillow fights.

But each night, no matter what we do, we have fun.

They may eat goldfish, but we don't.

I love to cook and bake. It really is relaxing for me. The catch is, it is ONLY relaxing if I have something telling me exactly what to do while I am cooking and baking. I am not the type of person who knows flavor combinations. I can't just "eyeball" ingredients. I can't even tell you if a spice is savory, has heat, or is supposed to be sweet. But I am anal enough to follow directions. I was the kid in school who never fell for the "read all the directions before starting" worksheets that our teachers used to give us to prove we don't really read all of the directions. I will read and re-read a recipe to make sure I have the step by step directions. Since I rely heavily (or only) on recipes, I utilize the internet quite a bit. Much to my Aunt CloElla's dismay, I find the internet so much better than the old fashioned cookbook because of the comments section. Usually there are one or two ways that other people have modified the recipe to make it better, and not usually in a Paula Deen "let's add more butter" kind of way.

John and I are both dedicated to healthy eating. What stresses me out is trying to get a healthy recipe on the table before Evan finishes his 22 minute show of the day or Luke completes melts into the tile floor from hunger. John and I have a stock pile of about 20 recipes that we have slightly modified to work for our family since we are working against the clock.  Most of the time we made them healthier and faster. After Luke was born, part of my daily routine was to count every single little calorie that went into my mouth. Since I was on maternity leave I became a little obsessed with calculating the nutritional information in each of our dishes. So the dishes have to be able to be cooked within 30 minutes, which is all the time we have once we get home from work, and under 500 calories a serving. A lofty goal, I know, but we are committed.

I hope as the boys get older and more independent I can explore more recipes and more options for dinner. Right now though I wanted to share a couple of our favorite dinner for all the busy moms and dads who still want to provide healthy food for themselves and their family.

This is what is for dinner tonight:

TexMex Slow Cooker Chicken

1 pound chicken cut in 1 inch strips
2 tbsp taco seasoning
2 tbsp flour
1 green bell pepper cut in 1 inch strips
1 red bell pepper cut in 1 inch strips
1 cup frozen corn
1.5 cups salsa
Cheese
Uncle Ben's Spanish rice

Mix chicken, taco seasoning and flour in crockpot until chicken is coated. Stir in peppers, corn and salsa. Cook on low for 6-8 hours or on high for 3-4 hours. Serve over Uncle Ben's rice. Sprinkle cheese on top (about an 1/8 cup of cheese per serving). Entire crockpot makes 4 servings. 1 serving equals 330 calories.
Yummy and easy!! To bump up the calories for DH, he eats his serving and a half on tostada shells or over tortilla chips. 

John's Favorite: *Disclaimer - this takes longer than 30 minutes. I cook the chicken and chop the veggies the night before.

Easy Chicken Gumbo
1/2 cup peanut oil
1/2 cup all purpose flour
1 cup chopped sweet onion
1 cup chopped green bell pepper
1 cup chopped celery
16 oz frozen okra
1 1/2 to 3 tsp Cajun seasoning
2 tsp ( I put more) minced garlic
3 (14oz cans) - I use less - chicken broth
1 pound smoked turkey sausage
1 pound cooked chopped chicken
1 pkg of Uncle Ben's Cajun rice

Heat oil in large Dutch oven over medium high heat; gradually which in flour and cook, whisking constantly (very important!) for 5 minutes or until flour is chocolate colored. Carefully watch the roux so it doesn't burn.
Reduce heat to medium. Stir in onion and next five ingredients, and cook, stirring constantly, 3 minutes. Gradually stir in chicken broth (I use less than it calls for. Put as much as you like. We like it less soupy.) and sausage. Increase heat to medium-high and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low, and simmer, stirring occasionally, 20 minutes.
After 20 minutes of simmering, stir in chicken and rice.
Make approx 12 cups. Each cup is 211 calories. 

My favorite:

Tuna Cakes

2 12oz cans solid white tuna in spring water, drained well

1 ¼  cups Italian breadcrumbs

2 large egg whites

2 tsp lemon zest

2 tsp Dijon mustard

1/3 cup fat free mayo

1 tsp creole seasoning

4 tbsp olive oil

Drain and rinse tuna (I just drain). Place tuna and breadcrumbs in a large bowl; stir in egg whites, lemon zest, mustard, 1/3 cup fat free mayo, and 1tsp creole seasoning. Shape mixture in 8 (3 inch) patties. Cook 4 patties in 2tbsp hot oil in a large skillet over med high heat until golden. Drain on paper towels. Repeat with remaining tuna cakes and oil.

Each patty is 191 calories.

Eat well!