You are always on my mind

My dad was diagnosed with small cell lung carcinoma in 2003. There is a zero survival rate for this type of cancer. We were told he would probably live a year. He survived less than that. He passed away on February 29, 2004, a day that would only come around every four years. He passed away eight years ago, but this is only the second anniversary of his passing.

I have been working all week on a post of dad memories all week. I have quite the list going. But instead at the last minute I decided to change the focus.
Evan, Luke and I went to the gravesite yesterday. Evan has been really into labeling family members. He knows Pop is John's dad. Gran is my mom. Grandmom is John's mom. I have been waiting for the question, "But what is your dad's name?" It never came. Here was our conversation instead:
Me: Who is your daddy?
Evan: John
Me: Yes! Who is John's Daddy?
Evan: Pop.
Me: Very good. Do you know who my dad is?
Evan: ummmm, no.
I proceed to tell him my dad has died, and when someone who loves Jesus dies, they get to go to heaven. So my dad is in heaven. I told him we were going to go to a special place where we can remember my dad.
Evan: Is your daddy in the sky mommy?
Me: Well, yes, heaven is in the sky, so I guess he is in the sky right now.
Evan: We are going to heaven??
Me: No, we are going to a cemetery.
Evan: Is God there?
Me: Well....um....hey, you want some chips.
That one was way to deep for me at that moment. A few minutes later....
Evan: Do we get to go see your dad now, Mommy?
Me: We aren't going to see him because he isn't there. He is in heaven right now with Jesus. We are going to a special place where we can remember him. There will be marker with his name on it.
Evan: But he's not there because he is in heaven.
Me: That's right, sweetheart.

We get there, and we walked to find the gravesite. Luke was much more interested in running down the big hill. Evan and I talked a little bit more about my dad and what his name was and why he wasn't there. Death, cemeteries, heaven, all very abstract things for a 3 year old.

Once we were ready to leave, Evan asked to walk around the look at the other markers. He started off toward a big tree. Pointing up at the tree he said, "Look mommy! Heaven is up there!" In that moment I completely believed he saw heaven in that tree or sky.

I have to think what Jesus tells us about faith. He wants us to come to Him with a child-like innocence. Blinded by the realities of the world. Un-jaded by what society thinks about what we say. Proud of what we know and what we believe. Willing to tell anyone and everyone what we know. If you have children, or work with children, or have ever had a conversation with a child, you know they are very proud of their knowledge. They are happy to share their opinions on most anything (even to a mother's horror). What if we approached sharing our faith, our story, our journey like that?

As usual, as I set out to teach my kids something new, they taught me. They will never know my dad. But they see his story lived out through me. They will never hear him laugh (gosh he had a good laugh). But they will laugh just like him when their mommy tells the same goofy jokes. They will never see his blue eye twinkle when he was up to no good. But Luke has been blessed with the those same baby blues. He's present. He's here. He's always on my mind.