But God gave you me!

February 29 - to everyone else, it's just an 'extra' day we get every 4 years. To me, it's the anniversary of when I lost one of the most important men in my life.

But today, I didn't wake up thinking about that. Instead, I woke up thinking about all the ways to disinfect my house. Luke had risen at 1:30am to show us that his eye was completely glued shut with funky gunky green stuff. Pink eye had set in at the Asbell house. I consider pink eye about as gross and contagious as lice. The first couple hours I followed him around with a lysol bottle and hand sanitizer. It was so bad that by lunch he was taking the lysol and spraying anything he touched by himself. He's five. I might have ruined him.

In between the doctor and meds, we had some time to spare. We couldn't go anywhere public, but I desperately wanted to be outside in this beautiful weather. The pharmacy was just minutes away from the cemetery, so I decided it was time for a trip. The last time Luke was there was 4 years ago. He was 1.5 and Evan was almost 3 (side note: I can't believe how much I expected Evan to understand at 3!! Poor first born kids. Read about that here.) Needless to say, Luke didn't remember that last visit.

One thing you need to know about Luke. He talks incessantly when brother is not around.
L: Your dad is in heaven?
Me: Yes, with Jesus and God.
L: Heaven is up in outer space. So your dad is in outer space...with Jesus and God.
Me: Yup, heaven isn't of this world, so it's kinda like outer space, but today we are going to the cemetery to see where he was buried.
L: Is that a hospital?
Me: No, he's not alive, so he's not at the hospital. He's in heaven.
L: With Jesus....and God.
Me: Yes.

We get there and Luke is so excited to see the headstones all lined up nice and neatly. I mean, weirdly SO excited. Another thing you need to know about Luke, he is his father's child. Things need to be set out just right and in their place. He also puts his thoughts through a logical filter rather than emotional one, unlike his brother and mother. To him, things are black and white and right and wrong. Not a lot of grey in this little guy's life.

We have an even better talk at dad's headstone. I set my phone up to record the conversation and ended up getting some great screenshots. But this...this is what was the most amazing thing Luke said.

L: Do you need him?
Me: Well, no, I don't need my dad, but I sure do miss him.
L: But he's with God with all these other headstones (the concept of a cemetery is kinda deep)
Me: Yes and he is so happy in heaven.
L: So then, God gave you me!!!

God gave me him. Why is it so easy to look at what we don't have? What we are missing. What we think we need or deserve. Sadly, I know I do it everyday. But what I need to start doing is exactly what my five year old said. He looked around and saw what we do have. What God did give us. And yes, my kids will never know my dad and that does make my heart ache. But, what they will know is in this family we thankful for everyday blessings.