Dear Evan,
Because you are too young to understand this right now, I wanted to document this for you. God has hand chosen me to be your mom and when I mess things up, you (and Him) deserve an apology.
Last night I said something that I swore I would never say to you. I said it in frustration and embarrassment. I said it because I was trying to find anyway for you to calm down. I said it because honestly, I wasn't a great mom in that moment.
Instead of focusing on what I did wrong, I want to focus on what you and your sensitive heart has done right.
When you became a big brother, your sensitive heart caused you to love your brother so deeply. There was never ONE moment of jealously when he was a baby. Watching you with him will be some of my favorite memories of you two.
In JK your sensitive heart caused you to give up your entire recess to help a new friend who didn't know how to ride a tricycle. That friend was upset and your teacher told me you taught him how to ride, stayed with him until he got it, and encouraged him the entire way. You could have been playing with friends, but instead you saw someone who needed help and chose to help them.
It was your sensitive heart that wanted to take care of me when I had the flu. You are the first to run and take care of anyone in our family when we are sick, sad, or hurt.
Your sensitive heart caused you to comfort me the night before your first day of SK. Yes, you read that right. You comforted me. (Read more about that story here.)
At baseball, your sensitive heart caused you to cheer on each teammate by name as they got up to bat from the outfield. Even though your team has lost every single game, you keep encouraging your teammates to do their best, try their hardest, and not give up.
Your sensitive heart caused your coach to come up to me after practice and tell me what a great teammate you are.
It is your sensitive heart that asks to pray for Mamaws every single night.
At the Buggy Play, your sensitive heart caused you to step off your riser mid performance. Your neighbor in the show, who has been a friend since PK, dropped their prop. When you looked at them and saw the look on their face, you didn't miss a beat. You jumped down, grabbed their prop, handed it to them and kept on dancing.
Your sensitive heart has caused you to share a full bed since July with your brother. He is 'scared' in his room and only wants to sleep with you.
At the playground last week, your sensitive heart caused you to leave a basketball game with peers your own age and play with a little girl named Gracie who has Down's Syndrome. You told me you saw her playing by herself and thought she would like a friend. You sat and sang the ABCs to her while she clapped. You stood at the bottom of the slide and cheered for her when she slid down. You let her take your hand and lead you around the entire playground.
Your sensitive heart caused Gracie's father to approach me with tears in his eyes to tell me what a special boy I have. Tears were then in both of our eyes.
And these are just some of the thousands of examples I could tell you about. Things you don't even see as 'things'. Things that just come naturally to you.
People tell me and daddy that these behaviors are a testament to us, but I want to tell you right now they aren't.
This is how God made you and I am just trying to foster and encourage that sensitive heart to do whatever God planned for you.
Are you perfect? No, but what I need to remember is neither am I.
Last night, your sensitive heart just wanted to be with your whole family and I am sorry I didn't recognize that immediately. I promise from here on out, I will honor your sensitive heart.
Love,
Mommy
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